Exactly one year ago we were walking my 100 year old momma Home to Glory. Exactly one year ago her frail body gave out and she willingly, gladly passed from this life to the next.

I miss her. Not that I wish her back for one moment. I don’t. But I miss our chats. i miss her stories. I miss the connection to all that came before. The connection to grandparents and great grandparents. I miss all those things and more.

My Mom was a mother for 80 years and it was from her that I learned how to be a mom and then later how to be a grandmother. I don’t know if I’ll make it to being a great grandmother - but she was that too. She was even a great - great grandmother.

What did I learn?

Here are things I learned from my mom in no particular order.

#1. About marriage. “Surely the most important part of a wedding isn’t the day. It is every day after.”

My parents were married for 69 years. They raised 9 children - from 1940 through until 1979 my parents had kids in their home. Thirty-nine years! The week before I married Randy in 1979 my Dad read a fortune cookie that said - “soon all your troubles will be over”! We all laughed as my parents realized they would soon be empty nesters.

My Dad worked at the mill and my mom “kept house”. There were many times when there was more month than money - more hand-me-downs than something new - more home-made than store-bought. My parent’s marriage was built on commitment and faith in each other and to each other. They scrapped - don’t get me wrong. There were sharp words at times. But never did me or my siblings worry that one would walk out the door and not come back. My parents exemplified how a husband and wife mutually respect and lift each other up. They used each other’s strengths to grow their marriage. They supported each other in their shortcomings.

As Mom was approaching death, she spoke so much of seeing her beloved “Stan the man” once again. I know when Mom’s breath stopped on this side and she began her new life - my Dad was there meeting her and welcoming her Home.

My first hold with my first grandchild - Sara.

#2. About parenting. I was so amazed when we had our firstborn, Zac, that after a few days they just sent us home and expected us to know what to do with a newborn. Zac was born the middle of January and my Mom had come to stay with us for a bit. It was so snowy that winter that Dad wasn’t able to get back to Orillia for several weeks, so Mom just stayed! What a great blessing for us. I learned how to breast feed. I learned the difference between a hungry cry and a wet cry and a mad cry and a “I just want to be cuddled” cry. I learned that it’s never wrong to cuddle and rock your newborn - that dusting and cleaning can wait. I learned “to never stand up when you can sit down - to never sit when you can lie down.” I learned how to fold the perfect diaper! (There is really nothing like a stack of gleaming white flannelette - neatly folded diapers!) I learned that my heart would forever be owned by three little boys and no matter what age I was or they are - they are tucked - safely - in my heart. I learned that my heart would ache with every disappointment or failure but it would rejoice with each and every accomplishment. I learned that my heart would watch and wait for the car to drive into the driveway - that my heart would trust for the “right” girl to come into their lives at just the right time. I learned all these things and more.

When my parents were brand new parents - as the story goes - they were lazy about church attendance. “It was hard with a newborn”. “Sunday is my day off!” Their pastor came for a visit to the young couple and encouraged them to begin then and now to attend church. It would never get easier. There would always be something to keep them from attending church. The very next Sunday they bundled up their newborn daughter (my oldest sister, Marilyn) and never looked back. Attending church and Sunday School would become part of their routine. For that I’m truly grateful. It would always be part of our routine as well.

I learned to pray for my sons. I learned that the power of a mother’s prayers for her children is a force to be reckoned with. I prayed and continue to.

In the early days of our marriage - Randy and I - had more month than money as well. We prayed about everything and just before Zac was born - God answered our prayers and someone blessed us with a washer and dryer “so I didn’t have to go to the laundry mat” - that washer and dryer hummed along perfectly for our family for 25 years.

I remember a day when our two year old - Ben - was so sick we were at a loss as to what to do. He was so lethargic. We were frightened. We asked God for wisdom. We took Ben to emergency and they said “there is nothing wrong with him.” I just knew I couldn’t leave the hospital. I asked for a second opinion (scrappy mom) and the second doctor said he was dehydrated and it was a good think we hadn’t taken him home. Another answer to prayer - just two of the hundreds that God answered over the years we were raising our boys.

#3. About words. Toby Mac said - “sometimes we get so carried away trying to be right - we forget to be kind.”

Dementia took over mom’s life and there were a few times over the last year’s of her life that the disease caused some unkind words to come out of my sweet Momma’s mouth. I remember one particular day early last January when mom came banging out of her room. Her walker smashed into the door. I asked her if I could help her. I asked her what was wrong! (Not a good question at the time I know now!) I got an answer that even surprised me. I left her alone for a bit and had a good cry. Later I came back into her room and she looked at me and said “I love you.” She had forgotten all about her outburst. I told her right back that I loved her too.

Mom taught us these truths about our words!

Return harsh words with gentleness.

Have a soothing tongue.

Speak wisely.

A timely word is a good thing.

You don’t always have to be right.

Good news brings health to the bones.

If you don’t have anything nice to say - don’t say it at all!

Guard your tongue.

Mom would say - “choose your words carefully - because you may have to eat them someday.”

#4. Handling hard situations with grace and dignity.

It’s easy to show grace when everything is hunky dory in your life. It’s easy to smile when your bank account is not on empty - when you don’t have a sick child in the hospital - when there are no body aches and pains - when your kid makes first string and isn’t riding the bench - when your husband is tucked beside you watching tv and you’re not wondering where he is or who he is with - or any other difficult situation you can imagine. But what happens when any one of these things play out in your life? What do you do? How do you handle these tough situations?

I remember a time when one of my boys was in the public speaking competition - probably grade 4 or 5. He had a great speech and placed second or third. I taught music at this same school and the very next day - after the speech competition - I went into my classroom and realized the judges had left their comment sheets on my desk. It was interesting to read their comments and remarks. My bad though - when I realized they had totalled my son’s score incorrectly and he had placed first. I remember calling my Mom to ask her advice about letting them know they had made a mistake. Wisely, with grace and dignity, Mom said - “let it go”. “It will be devastating for the student who gets knocked out of the first place position and there will be other firsts along the way!” “Martha - show grace.”

Another time - Randy and I were going through an extremely difficult time while pastoring one of our churches. I wanted to stay home. I wanted to point out their faults. I wanted revenge. Once again - my parents - gave us wise advice. “Be graceful to those who are oppressing you.” “Don’t stoop to anyone else’s level.” “It’s not your place to make others pay.” “Hold your head up high.” Wise parents.

When my brother Tim died in a boating accident when he was just 39 years old , it was a dreadful shock to our family. My parents grieved Tim’s passing. I don’t know how a mother ever really gets over the death of her child. But even in grief, Mom and Dad, taught us how to trust in God’s perfect sovereignty - how to put our faith in things we can’t see - that this life is not the life we were created for, but that we all are created for the life that is to come. It was great preparation when I would face the sudden death of Randy, several years later.

#5. Be happy for others.

When I would telephone my Mom, she would always be full of good news. She would tell stories of friends and their accomplishments - of family members and their good fortunes. It was a learning experience for me even when I didn’t realize it.

Always be thankful for what you have - rather than bitter for what you don’t have.

I remember when I called her to tell her that I had met Harv - how we thought we would have a second chance for marriage - after both of us being widowed. Mom was over the top excited for me. She told me - “ever since Randy died I have been praying that God would bring a wonderful man into your life. You are too young to live out this life alone. I give you my blessing.” That meant so much to me.

I try to live my life that way.

It’s been one year - Momma - when your faith became sight. What glory and wonder you are experiencing.

I can only imagine.

I miss you - Momma - but not for a moment do I wish you back here when you are experiencing the amazing gift of being in the Presence of Jesus.