I have three. They are beautiful inside and out. They are talented. They are smart. They love my sons. They are the mothers of our grandchildren. They have mothers and fathers but they chose to be our daughters as well. They chose to take the Jolliffe name. They are our daughters-in-law.

Tracy - Jen - Heather. These are the girls that I began to pray for back in the early 80’s. When Zac arrived in ‘82 (his birthday was yesterday), Ben in ‘83 and Pete in ‘84, I began to pray for three little girls who would one day be the wives of our three sons. I didn’t know who I was praying for but I knew one day they would show up and our door - when they did - we would be ready to welcome them into our lives and into our hearts. I prayed for their parents. I prayed for their families. I prayed for their friends. I prayed that they would love Jesus more than anything else.

When Randy collapsed all those years ago, I immediately called the boys and it was Heather I talked to first. She was alarmed but calm. She assured me she would get in touch with both Zac and Ben and also my siblings. Before long all six of our children (sons and their wives) had gathered at the Newmarket Hospital and we would have seven days of praying and waiting and talking and praying and more waiting.

Upon the advice of a pastor friend, all decisions we made that very long week would be in full agreement - all seven of us would be in on the discussions and decisions. What a blessing the girls were to me as talked through painful and difficult matters. How they loved Randy. It was as if their own father was lying unconscious in the bed. They shared amusing memories of their talks with Randy and wept tears of desperation and loss when we all realized Randy was not going to wake up.

After Randy’s passing, it was the girls who made the arrangements with the funeral home for me. It was the kids who accepted food and flowers from neighbours and friends. It was the kids who answered the phone. How thankful I was that our girls stood strong by their husbands and supported them during the most difficult and painful time of their young lives.

They say (whoever they are) that mothers-in-lw and daughters-in-law can’t coexist. I disagree. We both love the same man. We both love the same children. If you are a mother of a son - love his wife and make her thankful you are his mom.

The following letter is borrowed from Debbie Prather.

Dear Daughter - in - law -

I love you dearly. Not just because you love our son so well but because you are wothy and loveable, just the way you are.

I love you dearly. Not just because you are the beautiful mother to our grandchildren, but because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I love you. Not because you’re like me, no, but because we’re as different as the individual, unique snowflakes that drift down from the sky.

I love you like I would have loved a daughter, had I had one. Not just because you married into our family but because God gave our family the phenomenal gift of you.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for supporting my endeavours as I support yours. Thank you for accepting me even when I say the wrong things or give too much advice. You many not know this, but I think about the error of my ways when I lie in bed at night. I want to do better and better and always do right by you.

I’m grateful that we both believe the best of each other and know that everyone is a work in progress - that it’s never a competition, but a dance, filled with kindness and grace, a dance we rejoice and participate in together. We reach our hands to the sky in praise when we get the steps right. We lift each other up with tender, forgiving spirits if we stumble or fall. Not opponents but confidants. Not at odds but in cahoots. We laugh and share and embrace who God made each of us to be.

Our sons were tiny when we started to pray for the women who would one day become their wives.)

I thank God He placed you in our son’s life. For years, you’re the person we’d prayed and dreamed for, and God came through lavishly. I see how you take care of one another. I see the sweet and thoughtful ways you surprise your husband with the things he enjoys. You champion him in his work. He does the same for you. You two make an incredible team in marriage and parenthood. You respect and admire one another, and he wants nothing more than to keep bringing you joy. What an invaluable legacy from the Lord!

I can promise this - as long as I am here - I’ll help in any way you’d like me to. I will cheer you on and assist however possible. It’s your journey and it’s a pleasure to witness. You see, as much as I care about the grandchildren’s well-being, I care about yours the same.

I listen as you navigate the tangle of emotions that define motherhood and work.

Thank you for trusting me with your cherished children. The time I get to spend with these precious ones fill my heart with delight that spills over into every square inch of me. Thank you for trusting my instincts. It means the world to me.

I pray for you. I pray for your health and your future. I pray that God gives you strength each day for the tasks He puts in front of you. My heart is filled with gratitude. May His favour and blessings be upon you for a thousand generations.

You are fabulous. You are loved. I’m so very thankful for you.

Always and forever, your grateful mother-in-law

(*I have three amazing daughters-in-law, Tracy, Jen and Heather, and for the sake of not having everything in the plural, this letter is dedicated to all three of them.)