FOUR YEARS
I wrote this blog just over four years ago. This week was the fourth anniversary of my Mom’s promotion to Glory - Heaven - the place she longed for near the end of her 100 years on this earth. I miss her. I miss hearing her voice. I miss her wisdom. I miss her laughter. I miss her stories. While I miss all those things - I’m 100% thankful for the mother I had and the years we had together. I’m grateful for the home she and Dad raised us kids in. I’m grateful for my heritage.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A 100 YEAR OLD
My mom has been with us for just over one month and it’s like she has always lived with us. We have settled into a pretty good routine. Consistency is good for 100 year olds!
My mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body disease about 8 and 1/2 years ago. (Lewy body dementia (LBD) is a disease associated with abnormal deposits of a protein called alpha-synuclein in the brain. These deposits, called Lewy bodies, affect chemicals in the brain whose changes, in turn, can lead to problems with thinking, movement, behaviour, and mood). It’s a nasty combination of dementia and Parkinson’s - the “good” thing about the dementia part is that mom knows her kids but forgets mostly everything else that has happened in the last minutes/hours/days.
Mom has settled into our home easily and loves her view of Lake Huron. She doesn’t miss a thing going by on Boiler Beach Road.
What do our days look like now?
Most mornings begin with a smoothie for mom - which I call a milkshake - because smoothie isn’t in a 100 year old’s vocabulary. I add some protein in because that’s about all mom eats for breakfast. I usually make enough for two or three days so the blender isn’t humming every morning. One morning, last week, I must have been a wee bit weary because mom’s milkshake was like none other she had ever had before. I opened the fridge - scooped some smoothie into her glass - added some milk, stirred it and stuck a straw in it. Mom took a sip - but then declined it. “No thank you” - she said, “I’m too tired for anything right now”. Funny! Mom usually downs half the glass right away. I came back a little while later and noticed the smoothie was quite lumpy and I knew something wasn’t quite right. I went back to the fridge - looked in the container and realized my mistake. I poured gravy (from our chicken dinner the night before) into the glass - mixed the gravy with milk - and asked my poor momma to drink it. I was laughing when I went back into her room to explain the wicked taste of her milkshake! We laughed together and mom quipped - “did you at least heat it up?”
Mom doesn’t love mornings! She says she had to get up early all her life when she was taking care of her large family and now is the time to rest, so mom naps and rests most of the morning. But pretty much every morning - her sweet little great grand daughter (my grand daughter) - face times with Gramma Alice!
Shortly after 9 (after the big kids have gone to school) - Indigo - calls and wants to talk with Gramma Alice. These two - what a huge blessing to listen to their conversation - Indie showing Gramma Alice her latest lego building - they even sing together - Twinkle twinkle - and - Jesus Loves Me. After the call is over, Mom doesn’t remember it but always for Indy - she’ll have memories of talking with her 100 year old great Gramma.
Mom spends about 22 - 23 hours in bed everyday. It’s a big effort to get up. Her body is frail. Her old bones hurt. The years of hard work have taken their toll, but we do our best to make her day special. We play music for her - hymns and songs she knows and loves - constantly - or I sing to her. We have watched one or two Hallmark movies and I always ask mom if she thinks the characters will fall in love! Sometimes I crawl in bed with mom and we watch a video that a family member has sent. For Christmas this year - I asked our family to send Gramma videos of themselves wishing her Christmas blessings. They are spiritual moments. I remind mom who it is and then we make a video and send it back to that family member.
We eat lunch in mom’s room with her - Mom loves little bites of fruit and cheese and soft, thin bread and always a cookie.
Each day Harv and I have two hours of “free time” when one of our lovely nurses comes to stay with mom. They are such sweet women and we are grateful for them and their personal care for mom.
I try to convince mom to get up for an hour around supper time - sometimes she does - sometimes she doesn’t. She has eaten at the dining room table with us about half of the nights she has been here and we are always pleased for her that she has made an effort. Mom loves to chat - she says “there’s nothing wrong with my tongue!”
Most evenings we watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and then Mom is pretty much ready for “bed”.
Our conversations during the day revolve around “Stan the man” (my dad) - the pie she secretly made for him (and hid until dessert time) when they were newly married - her work at the mill when she was 16 - when she was the paymaster’s secretary and knew who made what - Dad’s retirement party and how the “big wigs” from Montreal came to honour him - the fact that with each pregnancy (9 of them) her friends commented “not again!” - that she was adopted and raised by her grandparents when she was two - and we listen as if hearing if for the first time!
I’m learning new things.
I’m learning to move more slowly.
I’m learning that when I rub lotion on Mom’s body - not to rub too hard. Mom’s skin is fragile - like paper.
I’m learning to eat more slowly to match the eating pace of a centenarian.
I’m learning that some things I used to do are just not that important right now.
I’m also learning that daily physical exercise is crucial to my own well being in order to care for my Mom well.
We have some great laughs!
But………..there have been some rough moments.
The tears have come easily - for both of us. Mom sometimes gets frustrated with her body that has given way to the aging process. Her legs are weak. It’s hard to walk the 15 steps to the washroom. Mom remembers when “the grass didn’t grow under her feet.” She remembers her active life as a wife and mother. Aging is hard. Her body hurts from lying down and yet it’s so much of an effort to sit up. But mostly she misses Dad and wants to go to be with him. She’s lonely for heaven.
And in those hard moments - I pray over my mom - “As your days are - so shall your strength be.” That verse has become our theme. I pray this verse over mom several times a day. I pray that verse over Harv and I as we lovingly care for mom. I remind mom that God has indeed given her this long life and He is sustaining her until the end.
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High - will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord - “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God , in whom I trust.”
My grandson - Luke - said “Thank God Gramma Alice has lived to be 100!”
Gramma Alice is a Rock Star to her great grandchildren.
You are right Lukie! By Gramma Alice living to 100, we her family have the opportunity to care for her - to know she is safe - to know she is clean - to know she is eating well - to know that even though she can’t remember phone calls and face time visits - she can be reminded that her family loves her.
As your days are - so shall your strength be.”