Matt Redman wrote a song many years ago called “NEVER ONCE”. It is a song of hope and encouragement. It’s a song about finding grace in Jesus, even when life is confusing. It conveys the idea that God is faithful and will never leave us nor forsake us.

“Standing on this mountain top - Looking just how far we’ve come - Knowing that for every step - You were with us……Kneeling on this battle ground - Seeing just how much You’ve done - Knowing every victory - was Your power in us……..Scars and struggles on the way - But with joy our hearts can say - Yes, our hearts can say…….

Never once did we ever walk along - Never once did You leave us on our own - You are faithful - God - You are faithful”

On my 16th birthday, my mom was told that she had cancer. Back in the 70’s a cancer diagnosis was devastating. It still is. I was so scared. I couldn’t imagine life without my mother. Even during that difficult, uncertain time - as I look back now - I see how God’s hand was on my mom - my dad - our family and myself - growing me - challenging my young faith - grooming me to trust even in the most painful circumstances. This wasn’t the only difficulty I would ever experience. There would be more but the more would show me God’s greater power and greater strength in and through me.

My Mom would live another 46 years after her cancer diagnosis - she died in 2021 in her 101st year.

John Rippon wrote these words - “When through fiery trials - thy pathways shall lie, My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply; The flame shall not hurt thee, I only design - Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.”

In Tim Keller’s book - Walking with God through Pain and Suffering - he wrote - “Modern Western people see suffering as something like adverse weather, something you avoid or insulate yourself from until it passes by.” However - if we want to know who we truly are - what our strengths and weaknesses are - to know if we are compassionate and wise - to know if we are prone to trust in the disappointments in life or prone to bitterness - we must be tested. Keller says - “There is no way to really learn how to trust in God until you are drowning.”

The second real test in my life is when I had my third son in August of 1984. I already had two wee ones at home - Zac was 2 - Ben was 1 - and Pete was to be born. I went into the hospital for my scheduled C-Section on Sunday afternoon - ready to go on the Monday morning. I remember being super excited knowing that soon I would meet either our third son or our first daughter. Randy went home to wait for the few hours I would be in surgery and recovery. Things went very wrong - very quickly. The anaesthetist and nurse came into the OR and all the doctor said was “roll over on your side and draw your knees up!” I did! He administered the epidural and then he and the nurse left the room. They left the room. I was alone. I felt the anaesthetic go down my body and legs and then just as quickly - up my torso to my neck and down my arms. I was completely paralyzed from my neck to my toes. I couldn’t move a muscle. I knew it. I knew I was in trouble. I knew my baby was in trouble. Neither of us would live if we didn’t get help. I wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t yell for help. My life flashed in front of me. I was calm. And then I wasn’t. In my head - I pleaded with the Lord to let me live. I asked God to send help. I asked Him to spare me and my baby - so I could be a wife to Randy and mom to my three children. God answered. He sent doctors and nurses into the OR and very quickly I was put on life support - my baby son was born and the paralysis all disappeared within 4-6 hours. “Scars and struggles on the way - but with joy our hearts can say - never once did we ever walk alone.”

I cry a lot. Tears come easy. It’s good to lament. Remember the guy - Job - when he finds out his children have died - finds out that he has lost his home and farm - animals and stock - the Bible says “Job tore his robe and fell to the ground but in all this he didn’t sin.” We can express grief and sadness with powerful emotions.

My third very sad test came in 1994 - my brother Tim drowned in a canoeing accident. You know when the phone rings after midnight - it’s not going to be a call with good news (unless you have a new grandchild on the way!) In the summer of 1994, it was a very sad call to receive. Tim was three years older than me - we grew up together - we had always been super close, tight siblings. He was a husband and a dad. Tim and his son had been on a weekend away and were coming home on the Sunday afternoon, when whitewater overturned their canoe. Scott swam to shore - and Tim tried to guide the aluminum canoe through the bouncy water. The canoe hit some rocks - folded in half and pinned Tim under. Heartbreaking. Devastating. The night we received that horrible news, I clung to Randy and wept my heart out. That week I cried until I wondered how there could be anymore tears. We buried Tim the next week. Thirty years later, I still miss him. “Carried by Your constant grace - Held within Your perfect peace - Never once, no, we never walk alone.”

There would be more times to come of learning and trusting. God allowed us to trust Him through the loss of our pastoral responsibilities in not one - but two churches. We saw friends turn their backs on us through those times. We would watch - first as Randy’s mom suffered with cancer and passed to Glory - then my Dad - then Randy’s Dad diagnosed with dementia - Randy going Home to Glory suddenly - his Dad - my Mom - other family members passing away - saw the marriages of loved ones and friends disintegrate - difficult diagnoses of cancer - a lot of heart ache.

BUT - there’s been so much joy too. My marriages. Watching my sons grow to be strong men. The marriages of my children. Grandchildren born. Great jobs. Awesome vacations. Close relationships. Friendships that have flourished. Siblings that I love. Eating good food. My cup has overflown with blessings.

“Every step we’re breathing in Your grace - Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise. You are faithful, God, You are faithful.”

I wrote these words following the death of Randy in 2014 - “Above all, follow Christ. That takes precedence over every other priority - over every other commitment, obligation and personal need. Follow Christ fully.

Never Once have I ever walked alone. Thank You - God - for this great gift.

I even wrote a wee book a few years ago - I called it Never Once.