Yesterday, we celebrated the lives of Uncle Stan and Aunt Lou Jolliffe. They passed away 19 months ago but we finally were able to meet together to celebrate their very long lives. There weren’t many of us there and as I looked around the room I saw their son, Doug and his wife, their two children and their significant others. I saw one other Jolliffe cousin and her husband. I saw a few elderly friends of Stan and Lou - and Harvey and I.

The pastor began the service by asking those present what they liked best about Stan and Lou - what they remembered them for…….there was one who remarked about vacationing together in Florida……another remembered playing cards together…..and another mentioned enjoying meals together. Those are nice things but those things were not on my radar.

Three things stand out in my memory of Uncle Stan and Aunt Lou.

Their marriage. They married in 1946 - right after the war and that made them married almost 75 years. Amazing. They died within 28 hours of each other - Uncle Stan in the early evening of December 30th, 2020 and Aunt Lou on New years Day - 2021. Amazing. Their commitment to each other for all those years was extraordinary. (I only met them in 1980 when I married into the Jolliffe family.) Uncle Stan always had a twinkle in his eye and loved to tease. Aunt Lou was the love of his life and she knew it. Their commitment to each other all those years is an example to their family and friends and anyone who knew them.

A good marriage doesn’t happen by accident.

Their marriage was characterized by communication. They talked about anything and everything. Aunt Lou was a great talker and Uncle Stan was a good listener!!! They admired and respected each other. I never heard them put each other down. They were great companions. They loved to golf together in the early days of their marriage and of course, it was a given, they attended church and bible study together. They shared their faith in God and the Bible. They had great affection for each other. Again, even in their later years they loved to touch each other, hug each other, kiss each other. They dealt with crisis and stress with grace. Life (as with most of us) was not always easy. Many times in their lives they faced difficulties but they faced them with dignity. They had compassion for those less fortunate. And as with most seniors born in the early part of the 20th century, they adapted to many changes in their lives. They were flexible and tolerant. These great characteristics in marriage are what we all must strive for.

I’m grateful for these long marriages that persevere in this time of “throw-aways”. I admire them. I aspire to follow their example.

Aunt Lou was an encourager to me. Over the years I received cards and letters from her and the notes were always filled with messages of love, praise for a job well done, encouragement for tough times and the like - especially when Randy died suddenly in 2014. She often phoned me and wrote notes during those initial difficult days as I learned to live as a young widow. My own mother-in-law had passed away and my father-in-law was in his last days (suffering from dementia - Dad Jolliffe passed away 5 months after Randy did) and it was then that Aunt Lou said “we will be your in-laws now”. They stepped in to love on me - to keep me in the family. I felt like a ship-wrecked boat - tossed on the seas - and they offered me safe harbour in their family. And then when I met Harv and phoned them to tell them I was going to be remarried - they were overjoyed. They were so happy for me. They met Harv several times as we made the trip back and forth to Windsor to visit them.

Encouragement. The word itself comes from the combination of the prefix “en” which means “to put into” and the Latin word “cor” which means “heart”. Imagine how the world would change if we all got better at this. I love Gary Chapman’s book - THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES - where he goes into great detail that not everyone’s emotional needs are met the same way and that it is important that we know especially our spouse’s needs and how we can meet them. The five love languages are - words of affirmation - quality time - receiving gifts - acts of service and physical touch.

Encourage one another daily. Send flowers. Offer food. Send a card. Remind each other of the promises in the Bible. Celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, rainy days, sunny days….be present in each other’s lives…it’s important in these days of so many crazy world events to be an encourager.

Like many people of their generation, Aunt Lou and Uncle Stan had a strong faith. They loved God and they loved the local church. We often had great conversations about our faith - living out what the Bible taught us - and when they were old and in the nursing home, that faith was their rock. They clung to the truths of God’s word and looked forward to heaven. They didn’t fear death. Death held the promise of eternal life. What joy for me to chat only a few weeks before they died about their strong yearning to “go Home to be with Jesus”. That conversation with Aunt Lou still resonates in my memory.

Billy Graham - the great evangelist from the last century - said “faith literally means ‘to give up, surrender or commit’” - “faith is complete confidence .” This is it! Complete confidence in God and living our lives accordingly.

What will relatives and friends say at my funeral about me?

What will they say about you?

The thing is - say it now. Don’t wait until after they are gone.