I didn’t coin that phrase but I wish I would have. F. SCOTT FITZGERALD said it this way - “TO BE KIND IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING RIGHT. MANY TIMES, WHAT PEOPLE NEED IS NOT A BRILLIANT MIND THAT SPEAKS, BUT A SPECIAL HEART THAT LISTENS.”

The dictionary definition for kindness is “the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate”. Definitely easier when family and friends are nice to you - not so much when you’ve been slighted, picked on, demeaned, rejected or ignored.

A very long time ago - it seems a lifetime ago - I met the great preacher, Charles Swindoll, on a trip with Randy and the boys to California. Randy and I and our boys went to his church and after the service we made our way down to the front of the auditorium to shake hands with him. We introduced ourselves to him and at that point Pastor Swindoll took my face in his hands and said, “I’m looking for the scars that every pastor’s wives carry! Interesting comment for a young pastor’s wife to hear! At that time I didn’t have any scars - they would come later.

Indeed they did come. Years later we would receive a phone call from our church board to inform us we were fired! Fired from pastoring our church. We were to be let go! Not needed! Not a fit for the new reconfinement of the church. Pack up the office. Don’t talk to any church members. Don’t come to church on Sunday. Leave. You are not welcome here.

Needless to say we were in shock. We cried. We prayed. We clung to each other. It’s too long of a story to go into the details of the weeks that ensued so I’ll get to the best part.

After we tied up a few loose ends in our community we had the opportunity to move to the little village of Westport - in eastern Ontario - where we would live for one year. It was a year of recovery, of growing, of trusting, of waiting, of ministry, of faith and of joy. We moved to Westport in May and each Sunday throughout that spring, we would spend time with our siblings and my Mom. Each week I would eagerly await Sunday, long to hear the Word of God preached and sing the hymns and songs of praise. But each week as the service time drew near, the tears would start. My heart was so broken. We had lost so much. Our church. Our friends. Our ministry. Our home. Our reputation.

One Sunday we were in Kingston and my sweet young niece who was about 4 at the time said to me - “Auntie, I will ask Jesus to make your heart happy again”. God answered that little girl’s prayer one week later.

The next Sunday found us in Brockville at my brother’s church - The Pier. It was at the Pier where God healed my heart and gave me freedom from seeking revenge on those who had hurt us. My sister-in-law stood with me during the worship - holding my hand - while the tears continued to flow down my cheeks. During that time of singing, the pastor called any of us who needed to be prayed over to come to the front. I practically ran. There were many who prayed over us that day and I know that’s when my heart was freed from the bitterness and the gall and the angst and the desire for revenge against those who had hurt us.

Freedom!

There is a Proverb that says “Out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” What is in our heart eventually - all the time - comes out. When we cultivate love, joy, peace, patience, forgiveness etc. in our hearts - those characteristics will come out. Contrarily, if we cultivate hate, bitterness, pride, unforgiveness, etc. - that’s what we’ll blurt out. That means thinking before speaking - not rushing before ripping off a text - taking the time before grabbing the phone to give whoever a piece of your mind - that means forgiving before seeking revenge - that means thinking long term relationships rather than short term pride.

Here are some words that are synonyms for kindness!

Benevolence - Compassion - Courtesy - Gentleness - Grace - Helpfulness - Hospitality - Neighbourly - Sweetness - Sympathy - Tenderness - Thoughtfulness - Understanding - Unselfishness!

I recognize that Fitzgerald’s quote is counter cultural. Our culture is all about being right no matter what. It’s all about - whatever you do to me, I’m going to give it right back to you. It’s all about - if you cut me off in traffic, I’m going to lay on my horn and let you know exactly what I think of you. It’s all about appeasing ourselves - if we can hurt the ones who hurt us - well we’ll come out on top.

Another way to say counter-cultural is “upside down Kingdom” - a kingdom where those who are the greatest are the ones who lower themselves to serve. A kingdom where weakness is strength - where dependance on God is power - where all of us - the religious, the cheats, the liars and the righteous are equally dependent on God’s grace.

Jesus said that anger is like murder. Anger (malice that is nursed inwardly) makes people destroyers instead of builders. Anger robs us of our freedom and makes us prisoners.

Jesus said “don’t retaliate”. He told us to give to our offender by serving them - to shock others with generosity and grace. He told us to confound the world with God’s incredible and gracious love shown through you.

Jesus said to “love your enemies”. Christian love is an act of the will. Jesus never asks us to do something He has not done first. In His kingdom, self-interest does not rule. He isn’t so much concerned about being fair - (life isn’t fair) than for us to live up to our commitment of being different from our culture.

Kindness encompasses these teachings.

So what if you’re right but you’ve hurt anybody who was in your way!

Read that again.

People won’t remember that you were right - only that you were unkind.

Now - here’s the rest of the story - from the time we were fired! We moved to Westport - lived there for a year - we were called to a church in Alliston, who loved on us - Randy was pastor for four memorable years there. In 2014 - Randy collapsed while running and never recovered. He passed away 7 days after his heart attack.

That summer I wrote these words -

“God is not as much concerned about our plans as He is our hearts. He doesn’t ask - ‘do you want to go through the loss of a loved one, this difficulty or this defeat?’ No - He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we go through either make us sweeter, better and nobler men and women or they make us more critical and fault-finding and more insistent on our own way. The things that happen either make us hate more or love Christ more. I know God is working according to His own wisdom, accomplishing what is best for me. When I understand God’s purpose, I will not become small minded and cynical.”

Each day - sometimes many times during the day - I’m reminded that - indeed - it is better to be kind than to be right.

Right?