When we were on the lovely island of Barbados for three weeks in January/February - most mornings I hit the beach early (around 8:15) for my morning walk and my morning prayer time. I pray for our grandkids each morning at 8:15 as they are heading out the door to school. I pray for my kids going to their jobs. I pray for my brothers and sisters. I pray for things my friends have asked me to pray for.

I started the practice of starting the day with prayer when my boys were in elementary school because of a story I heard. Apparently a young American soldier was sent off to war during WW2 and his momma told him that she would pray especially for him at 4 pm each day. He knew whatever time zone he was in - at 4 pm - she was praying specifically for him. One day his commanding officer asked him to do to a hard job. It would take courage. It would take strength. It would take nerve and resolve. He said he would but it had to be at 4 pm because that’s when he knew his momma would be on her knees praying for him. I thought how cool it was that this young man counted on his momma’s prayers. I wanted to be like that momma. 8:15 am is my specific time.

That morning as I was walking the beautiful beach - at 8:15 - I was indeed praying. I was listening to the sounds around me. Birds. A boat going by. Two people swimming in the sea. I was mesmerized by the movement of the waves on the ocean. I took the opportunity to gaze up at the sky and was super surprised to see a cloud that spelled out the word LOVE. I’m not kidding you. And I wondered out loud to my self - love who? The answer to my heart came quickly - “Love the Unlovely! Love those who are hard to love!”

This is not easy. It’s way more fun to love those who are nice to you - treat you kindly - speak words of affirmation - hug tightly - share life together. Who wants to hang around people who are negative - grumpy - grouchy - disagreeable - argumentative - and just plain mean.

A few years ago - I facilitated a Bible study on the book of Matthew - the first book in the New Testament. Part of this book includes what has been traditionally called THE BEATITUDES. I wrote this in the introduction to the study - “Welcome to the upside down kingdom where those who are the greatest are the ones who lower themselves to serve. A kingdom where the poor and the oppressed are the most important. A kingdom where weakness is strength - where our dependence on God is power. A kingdom where all of us - the righteous and the cheats and the liars and the religious - are all equally dependent on God’s grace. Those who thrive in the Kingdom of God are not those with unlimited power or determination, or impressive CV’s or resources - instead, they are those who experience loss and hardship and humiliation and still respond with grace and humility and forgiveness”.

Loving the unlovely is counter culture. Our culture teaches us - “me-first” and “retaliate”. We don’t want to be peacemakers - we want to continue in the squabble unless we get our own way! We don’t want to hunger and thirst for righteousness - we want to continue lusting after things that satisfy imperfectly and momentarily.

What does it mean to live in this upside down Kingdom of God? How do we go about loving those who are hard to love? How do we respond to those who hurt you with their harsh words? Matthew 5:43-47 says “You’re familiar with the old written law - love your friends - and its companion - hate those who hurt you - I’m (Jesus) challenging that! I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best of you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with energies of prayer. If all you do is love the loveable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that! If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Anybody can do that!!! In a word - grow up! You are kingdom subjects so live up to your God-centered identity. Live generously and graciously toward others - just as God does to you.”

A very long time ago when I was a young pastor’s wife, someone at our church thought it was their responsibility to tell me what was wrong with me. They were critical and unkind. They would blatantly suggest to me that my dress was either too long or too short - that my piano playing was either too loud or too soft - that I was too this or too that! It wasn’t easy being around him. Randy and I went to them privately to chat about their comments - used it as an opportunity to offer grace. It was often awkward when we spoke with each other at church but years later - we met up at an event and this person apologized and asked my forgiveness for the way they had treated me all those years ago.

We offer generosity and grace in a world that doesn’t. We love others in order to confound the world with God’s incredible love. Christian love is an act of the will. God never asks us to do something He has not already done. In the upside down Kingdom, self interest does not rule. It isn’t about being fair (my mom always said things in this world are not fair anyway) - it’s about being different from what our culture teaches.

There was a time when Randy was fired from one of the churches we were leading. It came out of nowhere - at least it seemed that way. We hadn’t done anything wrong, committed any crimes, been immoral. The leadership wanted to go with someone younger! (This is the very short version of what unfolded). We took a sabbatical year to regain our verve. I wanted to move on to a ministry outside of the local church but Randy’s commitment was to preach and pastor. It was his calling. He told me “I want to preach and pastor until the day I die!” He did just that. At his funeral - most of the leadership (from the church that had fired us) - were there. God gave great grace to me. I could look each one of them in the eye and thank them for coming. No grudges. No retaliation.

Loving those who are hard to love is like trying to plant a garden in a patch of hard, course soil. And yet we are called to love these miserable, unhappy and unkind people.

Lest you think I’ve only been wronged - think again. I’ve done my fair share of being that unkind, critical, smug, disagreeable, nasty, mean woman. It’s been the charitable forgiveness I’ve received from those who I was insensitive and uncaring to - they graciously showed me the importance of moving on - to forgive and forget - instead of retaliating and holding grudges.

How much more pleasant it is to enjoy and find joy in each other.

Here’s something I learned a long time ago - “But to you who are listening - love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (God)

More great advice - “Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse….do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. It it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends.” (God)

Can I be super practical?

TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. PRACTICE PATIENCE.

GIVE EXTRAVAGANTLY. LOVE UNEXPECTEDLY.

PURSUE UNITY AND PEACE. FIND COMMON GROUND.

FORGIVE. PRAY FOR HEALING FROM BROKENNESS AND BITTERNESS.

PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES.

Tim Keller said - “If you do not give up, but continue to love the unlovely in a sustained way, they will eventually become lovely to you.”