Weddings. I’ve had two.

My mom used to say - “a wedding lasts for a day but a marriage lasts for a lifetime!” Truth.

My first wedding - to Randy - was on Saturday, June 2, 1979. We got engaged on November 7, 1978. We started dating in 1976.

Before I tell you about our wedding day, I must tell you about our engagement. The weekend before our engagement, Randy was playing hockey north of Toronto in the little town of Keswick, Ontario. We spent each weekend there - staying with the pastor and his family - doing what the seminary called - “Christian service.” We spent the weekend leading kids and youth groups, bus ministry, teaching Sunday School etc. and for Randy- playing hockey on Friday nights. They played late and sometimes I went and sometimes I didn’t. That particular Friday night, I didn’t go. On Saturday morning, Mrs. J - the pastor’s wife, told me that Randy had had an accident at hockey the night before. Apparently he and another player went down at the same time and the other players’ skate ran across Randy’s chin, cheek and would have hit his eye except that Randy had a face protector on. He had about 10 or 12 stitches in his face. You can imagine how he felt - knowing that in 5 days he was going to take me out for supper and propose! He had already made reservations and borrowed a car. Five days later, though, we drove over to Burlington to the El Picador restaurant! Randy’s lip was swollen, his cheek and eye black and blue - he looked like he had gone 12 rounds in a boxing match!!!! But propose he did! He asked. I said yes! After dinner we drove over to his parent’s place and Mom J was so concerned about his face that she didn’t notice - for the longest time - me dangling my left hand 4th finger in front of her nose. Dad and Mom J were delighted - my parents already knew it was happening as Randy had called them to ask their permission.

We set the date seven months later - June 2, 1979.

I had 3 bridesmaids - my sister-in-law Carol, my roommate - Karen, and a good friend, Kathy and my matron of honour was my sister, Brenda. Randy chose three friends as well as my brother, Tim, to stand with him as his groomsmen.

Our wedding was set for 11 am. I remember driving to the church with my dad and thinking of all the brides I had seen over the years and now I was a bride. I was 21 years old. Excited. Nervous.

I walked down the aisle to “Praise My Soul the King of Heaven”. I clung to my Dad’s arm. Dad’s smile was huge as he walked me down the aisle. (Perhaps he was thinking that finally the 9th of 9 children was getting married and he and mom would finally be empty nesters). I looked ahead to the man standing at the front of the church - more than ready to commit my life to being his wife and partner. I really can’t recall what the minister talked about - what the soloist sang - but it was a moving ceremony. We were committing our lives together for life and also for a life of ministry in the local church together. The hymn - Living For Jesus - was our theme.

After the wedding and reception the custom was for the bride to change into her “going away outfit”. My Mom and sister helped me change and I remember that I had a yellow dress to wear. It was super cute. Randy and I stood on the steps of the church and we were showered with confetti as we raced to his car. It was so fun.

We headed out for Belleville where Randy had booked a hotel for one night as he had to be back to work on Monday. As we were leaving Kingston I asked him to pull over to make sure my suitcase was in the trunk. (My brother Tim was supposed to put it in that morning). Randy got out - got back in - he said “it’s not there! Do you want me to go back to your parent’s house and get it?” Are you kidding me? There was no way I was going back and having all my family have a good laugh at our expense. We headed to the hotel - walked in as a newly married couple - with Randy’s backpack. That’s it. I was mortified. All my beautiful clothes for the weekend were in Kingston and I was in Belleville. I didn’t laugh that night but we had lots of laughs about it later on!

I used to put my wedding dress on every anniversary. Even after 35 years I could still fit in my dress. I gave it away to a friend’s daughter’s and it was worn again.

I never expected to have a second wedding. I never expected that I would have two husbands. I did expect to grow old with Randy. God had other plans for me.

After Randy died - I grieved. Hard. Tears and more tears. I was 56 years old. Young. Not old. My parents were married for almost 69 years and we had just passed our 35th wedding anniversary. The year following Randy’s passing was a year of trusting my heavenly Father that His ways were perfect - a year of faith stretching - a year of learning to live alone - a year of learning to grandparent alone - a year of finding joy every day in the ordinary and extraordinary.

After that first year past, I knew that God had something for me to do. I didn’t know what but I knew it was time to begin searching for it - being more active in the looking. I applied for a couple of ministry positions that didn’t come to anything. I pursued buying a B&B in Westport but after seeing the property with family and friends, discussing the financing with Zac (who told me that financially it wasn’t a sound investment) and the possibility with my Mom - (who told me that even though she knew I could do it, she didn’t want me to be alone in a 7 bedroom inn and that God must have something else for me). Wait. On. The. Lord.

Waiting - not exactly my strong suit - but I’ve waited for a lot of things in my life and this was just one more opportunity to trust my God.

I didn’t know any single men. I didn’t go looking. I didn’t sign up on a dating site. I didn’t do anything but a few of my friends and family were praying I would meet someone. They didn’t want me to be alone.

Unbeknownst to me, there was a man in Kincardine, whose wife had passed away a couple of years before Randy. He was alone. I was alone. We had mutual friends who thought it would be nice if we met. My neighbour in Everett, K, was the daughter of P and G, who lived in Kincardine. P and G knew me from visiting K in Everett and they knew Harv from Kincardine (P and Harv played golf and hockey together). It was these wonderful folks who introduced us.

Harv and I began emailing each other in October and very quickly the letters started going back and forth - daily - and sometimes more often. We wrote to each other about our families - our faith - our spouses - the Blue Jays and the Leafs - living life alone. I asked Harv if he’d like to meet for coffee. (I wanted to know what he looked like). We agreed on the date November 1st. We met in Mount Forest for coffee. That coffee lasted for two hours. That coffee was the beginning.

After that first coffee date, we started having lunches together and moved on from emails to phone conversations. We hit it off so great. It surprised us both.

In December Harv asked me to marry him. It was an ordinary day - but it would be extraordinary - after a whirlwind courtship. We called my Mom and she gave us her blessing. I suppose the thing that was the hardest was not having my kids know Harv - and his kids - not know me. I’m thankful our children trusted us through that transition time.

Harv and I were married on Saturday, April 2, 2016 at Mrs. Mitchell’s - Mulmur, Ontario - the location of many of our early dates. All of our children and grandchildren and sisters and brothers were there. My Mom was too frail to travel to our wedding but my sister-in-law, Irene arranged with Mom’s Retirement Home to FaceTime with her during the wedding. What a blessing that was to me.

Harv and I shared our story of loss - and then finding love again. Our wedding verse was - Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes in the morning.” It was exactly that. Both Harv and I were married a long time (34 and 35 years) - both of us had lost our spouses relatively fast (Rose was sick with cancer for 7 months and Dad’s passing in just one week) - both of us were not looking to marry again - but then, experiencing such joy in having a second opportunity. I sang a song from Les Mis - “Suddenly”. My son, Ben, married us - that was something. At my son’s weddings - Randy married them to their beautiful brides - the role was reversed!

The reception was fun - Harv’s best man - T - gave a funny speech about Harv. My matron of honour, Blaire, was gracious and loving in her comments to me and about me. The food was delicious. We left the next day for a honeymoon in Jamaica.

My second beautiful wedding dress hangs in my closet - perhaps one day - another bride will wear it.

When we get married, we say vows. We vow to love each other through sickness and health - through ups and downs - through thick and thin - ‘til death parts us. When the first wedding occurred - Adam and Eve - God said “it was very good.” God said “it’s not good for a man to be alone and that He would make a helper suitable”. What grace. What amazing love our heavenly Father has bestowed upon us - the gift of marriage.