Ten years!

On Saturday, June 28th, 2014 at 9:30 am, my life as I knew it for the past 35 years would change. Instantly.

It started out as a normal morning. Randy and I were awakened early as our “just-turned-three” grand-daughter, Talia, was visiting for the weekend. Randy got up with Tali around 6 and I rolled over for another hour or so of sleep. Randy brought my coffee in to our bedroom at 7 am as he had done for the past 35 years. Every morning, he rose early, made the coffee, had his quiet time with the Lord and brought a steaming cup to me - to sip while I woke up slowly, listening to the day’s news and sports and weather.

Over coffee that morning, Tali had her first breakfast while Randy and I discussed the plans for the day. Tali and I would head out strawberry picking while Randy would to go to meet his friend, James, for their 10 km run. We would rendezvous back at the house around 9:30 am for Tali’s second breakfast (our first) - pancakes and fresh strawberries. Later in the day we planned to take Tali and our golden retriever, Maggie, up to Colliingwood to the beach.

It was a beautiful summer Saturday morning. We kissed each other goodbye and said “I love you” and “see you in a bit.” Little did I know those would be the last words we would ever speak to each other on their earth.

Tali and I headed to the strawberry patch and Randy headed out to meet his buddy for their run. The early morning sun was glorious as were the lush, red berries. One for the pot and one for the mouth. After an hour or so, we had picked enough and headed home.

As I was unloading Talia from the car, my neighbour, Joan, came across the street and told me that a police car had been in my driveway. My heart started pounding and something deep down in my soul “knew something out of the ordinary had happened.” I asked Joan to keep her eye on Tali for a moment and flew into the house to call James. No answer at his home. No answer on his cell phone. I ran back outside and by then a few neighbours had gathered and suggested I call the Alliston police department.

I called.

The person manning the phone at the detachment told me that while Talia and I had been enjoying the summer sunshine at the strawberry patch, my husband of 35 years had collapsed while running and was now at the Alliston hospital on life support and was being prepared to be taken to the larger hospital in Newmarket.

I called my sons and it was Heather who was home to take the call and she reassured me that she would let Pete and Zac and Ben know. She reassured me she would call my brothers and sisters and everyone would begin praying for Randy.

I loaded Tali and Maggie into the car and drove calmly to the hospital. I prayed. I quoted Bible verses to myself - God is my strength, a very present help in times of trouble. In the backseat Tali sang “Jesus loves me this I know.”

Our friend met me in the parking lot to take Talia and Maggie to his home. His wife would drive me to Newmarket.

I walked into the Emergency department and a police man met me at the door and quickly whisked me right into the curtained off room where Randy lay - pale - hooked up to the respirator - eyes closed - hospital personnel working hard to save his life.

Normally, it would be Randy, standing there as the Pastor to our church members - comforting and praying. This time though, it was the pastor who lay unconscious. Who would pray over him? Who would offer words of encouragement? It would be me. I would be the one to pray over my husband and it would be the words of Scripture in my mind to bring comfort to my heart. I didn’t know if Randy could hear me but I reminded him that I loved him, that our children loved him - to stay strong, to fight - that the doctors were going to fix his heart and we would get through this. Then he was whisked out the door, lights flashing, siren blaring!

Randy never regained consciousness. They fixed his heart but his brain was damaged and it had gone without oxygen for too long. All Saturday and Sunday, the doctors kept him sedated to rest his body. They kept ice packs around him to keep his temperature down and then, on Monday morning when they took him off the sedation medication, he didn’t wake up. All week long we prayed for healing - that he would wake up. All week long we prayed that God would spare his life and return him to us as husband, father, grandfather, son, brother, pastor and friend. The elders at Ben’s church anointed him with oil and prayed over him and I was so sure that he would wake up. He didn’t.

On the Wednesday night of that very long week, I had a visit from Randy’s friend from high school days. Steve was a pastor in Bloomingdale and came to see me, pray with me and comfort me. I remember Steve making an interesting comment that evening. He told me that - if on the morning Randy collapsed, he had caught a glimpse of heaven and Jesus - as much as he loved me and the kids - he loved Jesus more and he wasn’t coming back.

The next day, Thursday, the doctors confirmed that there was no brain activity left and Randy would not live without the help of the respirator. My boys and I wept at the news. The pain was great. My heart was broken. As a family, we made the painful decision to have the respirator removed the next evening at 10 pm.

All the next day, family and friends came to the hospital to say their goodbyes. The parents of my daughters-in-laws brought our grandchildren to say goodbye to their beloved Grampie. Can you imagine my heartbreak as I listened to them sing with their parents - “Bless the Lord, O my soul” and “The more we get together". Sara, Levi and Talia were just three at the time and have some memory of Randy but Caleb and Luke were just babies. My heart was in shock.

The clocked raced that day but also dragged. The kids said their goodbyes and then it was my turn. I cuddled on the bed beside him, holding and touching Randy and asking God one more time to wake him up. He didn’t open his eyes and I knew he was moments away from seeing his beloved Saviour face to face - that his faith would be sight.

We had decided to have Randy’s organs donated to be transplanted into others who needed them. I was overcome with emotion as doctors and nurses and staff lined the hallway as Randy was wheeled from the CCU to the Operating Room. Twelve of us gathered to be with Randy as he left this earthly life to begin his eternal life - our sons, their wives, my sister and her husband, Randy’s best friend, a pastor friend and myself. We sang hymns and songs. We prayed. We sang some more. Then I said - “it’s time.”

We prayed that God would restore my husband to full health and strength and he was - just not in the way we imagined or wanted. We also prayed that when they removed the life support, Randy would pass quickly and quietly. He did. Eight minutes. And then five minutes more to say goodbye. One last caress of Randy’s face. One last kiss on his lips. One last touch of his hands.

My legs that could run 21.1 km couldn’t stand up and my boys carried me from the room.

I have no doubt in my mind that at that moment Randy entered heaven and was received by the Lord Jesus. I’m sure he heard the words - well done, my good and faithful servant - I have no doubt that immediately and for the past 10 years that Randy is enjoying the pleasures of heaven. I have no doubt that one day I’ll join him there.

I clung to the verse that says - So do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renews day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

I know that nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my heavenly Father, who loves me and continues to have a perfect plan for my life. Everything I have endured, including the death of my pastor husband ten years ago, is designed for me to serve others more effectively.

If I was writing the script for my life, I would not have assigned the task God gave me - a wife without a husband - a grandmother without a grandfather, a son without a father, a father without a son, a sister without her brother. However, God knows exactly what I could and would manage. He taught me and continues to teach me to live in His realm of faith. God was not finished with me and had work for me to do. He gave me courage and continues to each and every day. I was not young, but neither was I old.

While my life changed on June 28th, 2014, Christ did not. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever.